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Bad Gums

Characters

Randall:
Adult male, late-thirties/early forties, a wild-haired artist, scruffy and druggy, Mickey's mate.
Mickey:
Adult male, mid-to-late thirties, a wild-haired artist, scruffy but with pretensions, Randall’s mate. Randall and Mickey live together and do their art together under the name of Randall-and-Mickey
Celia:
Adult female, late thirties/early forties, artist, old friend of Randall's and Mickey's
Carmen Zapora:
Adult female, fifty-something, owns a gallery, represents Randall-and-Mickey
Dr. Sylvia Bloodhorn
Adult female, head of the Acquisitions Committee of the Whitney Museum of American Art

Setting

All scenes take place in Mickey and Randall's loft—an industrial space, high ceilings, good light, part living space, part studio, a housekeeping disaster, but an artistic one. A kitchen area is stage right. Stairs rise to a sleeping loft on a second level. Dominating the space is a very large canvas, twenty feet long, six to seven feet high, a barn-red field of color. Cans of paint, brushes, and so forth are laid out on work tables.

Production history

  • Staged reading, Woolly Mammoth Theatre, Washington D.C., 1999

The Story

Randall and Mickey are artists and lovers. They live together and do their art together. But it's all too intense—living together, working together, lovers and collaborators for almost ten years, suddenly on the brink of success after years of setbacks and struggle. And they can't finish the painting they've been working on, their vacation to Mexico was a disaster, and ever since they returned they've been having the same identical nightmare. Mickey decides he has to move out. End of relationship. End of art.

Meanwhile, Celia, an old friend, has just moved back to town and is staying with them, and Carmen Zapora, the gallery owner who represents Randall-and-Mickey, is working on a deal to sell a "package" of their work to the Whitney. But Carmen is interested in Celia too, artistically and sexually, and just as Mickey's packing his things to move out, he discovers Randall's stash of pornography, unexpectedly heterosexual porn, and expressing his shock he learns that Randall and Celia had had a sexual relationship years ago, and, could it be that something sexual is going on between them again?

This is a play with an absurdist edge, that explores through humor and irony the co-dependent cycle of Randall and Mickey's relationship, the business of making art, the realities of love and long-term relationships, the slipperiness of sexual identity, and the helplessness of being stuck with yourself in the middle of life.

Download full play here

The Dialogue

Randall:
[Studies Celia for a moment] You've got a great mouth... you know that? Really great lips...fabulous, mean, cruel lips...lips like Satan...Kiss me. [He leans toward her]
Celia:
Darling, last night you told me you never wanted to see me again, hear from me again, talk to me again...do you remember that?
Randall:
I want to make love to your big mean beautiful cruel mouth.
Celia:
You had found nirvana right here in your cell all by yourself...remember nirvana right here in your cell all by yourself?
Randall:
I'll pay you.
Celia:
For what?
Randall:
Service for money...strictly cash basis. You let me kiss your big mean beautiful cruel mouth, I'll pay.
Celia:
Forget it.
Randall:
I'm not asking for charity.
Celia:
I'm not in the mood.
Randall:
Five bucks.
Celia:
For a kiss?
Randall:
Five bucks.
Celia:
Forget it.
Randall:
You excite me.
Celia:
Really.
Randall:
I have always found you very exciting, very arousing…you were literate...really, fuckin' literate...fuckin' words use to come from your beautiful, articulate, big mean cruel mouth...it turned me on...really...excited me...you turned me on...mouth, neck, breasts, butt, feet....you've got beautiful beautiful amazingly fucking beautiful ugly feet.
Celia:
Thank you.
Randall:
I will pay you if you would let me lick your foot. I will pay you if you would let me suck each toe...I want to make love to every part of your body with my tongue.
Celia:
[Beat] How much?
Randall:
Five bucks.
Celia:
Forget it.
Randall:
I love it when you're cruel.